If you haven't already subscribed, well, you should. New posts coming all the time. Check out the new blog site at:
blog.teamalchemist.com
Thanks!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
New Blog site
Hello Alchemist Blog Readers,
The blog is moving to the following address:
blog.teamalchemist.com
It's easy to re-subscribe once you are there. Thank you for following the latest news on Alchemist and the late night verbal diarrhea about the ER.
See you on the new blog site!
-jeff
The blog is moving to the following address:
blog.teamalchemist.com
It's easy to re-subscribe once you are there. Thank you for following the latest news on Alchemist and the late night verbal diarrhea about the ER.
See you on the new blog site!
-jeff
Thursday, June 3, 2010
H-town
I just saw the "I've fallen, and I can't get up!" commercial. Certainly there's a t-shirt in that.
Claire helped me fill another order today. It will be interesting to see what happens when the Mountain Flyer ad goes live. Is there a market for an edgy organic t-shirt company with a little rock and roll and a little urban hip hop? I guess we'll see.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Bitter Days
Had a sketchy lady come in for back pain. I looked her up in the database before I even went to see her, and found out that she was a drug shopper. Percocet and Vicodin from all kinds of different sources. But she was smart, I gave her an opportunity to tell the truth, and she caught on quick. Fessed up, and didn't piss me off as much as I thought she would.
Had a young, upbeat, polite lady come in for back pain with her man friend. She told me she hadn't taken anything for pain. In fact, she ran out of ibuprofen. The nurse had a hunch that something wasn't right about her, so I looked her up too. Another narc shopper. But this girl was stupid beyond just regular stupid. I gave her multiple opportunities to to tell it to me straight, and she just kept on lying. I finally laid it out for her after about 15 minutes of her changing her story and lying about whether she had narcs already. I knew about her previous Perc prescriptions the whole time she was trying to sell me a used lemon.
Tim Grayson, formerly of Zeut, tells me that it looks good for using some Zeut music in the bike-mower music video. More on that later.
One more shift tonight. It's Memorial Day, and the Bolder Boulder is bringing another 40,000 folks into the area. If I can manage to avoid strangling any dirtbags tonight, it will be a successful evening. That's a warning to all potential A-holes out there. No more Yankie my Wankie!
www.AlchemistThreadworks.com
Friday, May 28, 2010
Alchemist Plantable Tags
Cool idea in the works. Claire came up with a great idea to have plantable, seeded tags. You know, the kind that you throw in the ground and come up wildflowers or some kind of vegetation. Costs a bit more, but certainly adds a wow factor (and eco-conscious of course). http://www.bloomin.com/index.html. Bloomin' is local too, which is great. Working out a deal with them in trade for organic shirts.
We're also planning to work with another local artisan that we've talked about before. We will be introducing a Walt Works organic t-shirt. They will be on sale on the website this summer. Mock-up of the T in a future post. We are hammering out the design now. This is exciting since Walt has a devout following. His bike geekness is legendary, and his frames are bling (but utilitarian at the same time). The bike-mower he is going to build, however, will seal the deal. Can't wait to get some pics of it in action. Look out for the Youtube video this summer too.Kind of busy in the ER right now, but I'm having a hard time motivating myself enough to go treat all the dying non-emergent patients. If I have to go see another "just don't feel right", I'm going to turn homicidal.
Oh crap, the nurse just told me about the 92 year old lady in room 5 who has been dizzy and tired for a week. I suppose I should go see her. But first I have to go take a wiff and a gander at the foul discharge coming from the lady in 11. And yes, it is coming from THERE. Got to love this job!
One last shameless plug to vote for me in the Breck Epic Blog contest. http://www.facebook.com/
Ryn tells me you have to sign into Facebook to make it count. Aren't we too old for Facebook?
Well, if you understand how to use Facebook, do me a favor and tell all your friends about the contest too.
Here I go to battle death and disease . . . .
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Night shift ranting
If you haven't checked it out yet, go to www.AlchemistThreadworks.com to see the new website. Let me know it you find any bugs or have any suggestions.
As per my M.O., I seem to only find inspiration to write during or after night shifts. After 2 in a row, I feel remarkably perky. Lots of stuff happening with Alchemist, but I'll get to that.
As per my M.O., I seem to only find inspiration to write during or after night shifts. After 2 in a row, I feel remarkably perky. Lots of stuff happening with Alchemist, but I'll get to that.
Had a fellow brought in by the ambulance for being unconscious outside of Burger King. He was able to mumble that he had a seizure disorder and that he had NOT been drinking. After blowing a 350 (over 4 times the legal limit), we put the rails up, tightened the soft restraints, and tucked him in for the rest of the night. When I checked on him in the morning he was sober enough to boot, so I told him we were going to call his wife to come pick him up. His eyes widened,
"Uh oh."
"You're in trooooouble."
"Oh man, do you have to tell my wife why I'm here?"
"I can if you want me to."
"No. No. No."
"You're in trooooouble."
"Oh man."
As much as I wanted to yank his chain, I figured that he wasn't in the mood. Since he behaved, for the most part, during his stay, I let him off easy. I'm getting soft in my old age. He was at least more tolerable than the kid who came in wanting pain meds for his sore knee. I looked him up in the drug database and found out that he had just had a boatload of Percocet prescribed for him a few days ago. I tried to give him every opportunity to give it to me straight, but he just kept his eyes on the T.V. and said he only had Advil to take. After I explained to him that I knew about the Percs, he shook his head, then nodded it. He explained that they threw a big party the night before, and someone stole all his meds. I was too tired to deal with the cops or call his doctor, and he was a really stupid kid, so in the end, I just kicked him out with nothing but his discharge papers to soothe his aching knee.
Makes me want to sell t-shirts for a living.
On a less bitter note, Walt Wehner of Walt Works came by to buy a shirt for his buddy's wife the other day. "T.V. Sucks, Ride Your Bike." I was out mowing the lawn with my crappy push mower. I've sworn to myself that I would get rid of that thing every summer for the last 6 years. Walt told me to stop being a girl, and that the mower wasn't that bad. He proceeded to run all over my front lawn pushing the mower around like a redheaded step child.
"See?"
"But you didn't run over any sticks. The sticks jam up the rotors, and you have to pull them out or it won't mow."
I placed a stick in the way and told him to try to mow over it. He plowed over it and snapped it like a twig.
"Stop being a girl."
"The stick wasn't big enough."
"Stop your whining. You know you could attach this to the front end of a bike . . . ."
I told him he was crazy and came up with a dozen reasons why it wouldn't work.
"Well, I am offering a free conversion to anyone who wants to convert their mower to a bike-mower."
Well, it's hard to argue with free, so we're going to make my crappy push mower into the sweetest bike-push-mower in history. Once it's done, we'll have some cool pics for you to drool on. I'm not sure if it will be bike porn or mower porn, but it will be porn.
Lots of other things to blog about, but those sleepless night are catching up now. But before signing off, I need to give big props to Ken for backing up his 12 hours Clydesdale world champion title with a win in the Boulder short track race today. Ken, you will be called a sandbagger if you keep winning the C's. I've got a lot of work to do if I'm going to keep up in the Breck Epic.
Last thing, if you haven't already, vote (for me) in the blog contest for the Epic. http://www.facebook.com/
If you want to read the entries:http://www.facebook.com/
Contest ends on June 11. Tell all your friends, put it on Facebook, Tweet it, email it. Do whatever it takes cus I'm getting my ass kicked right now in the polls.
Thanks, all.
-jeff
"Uh oh."
"You're in trooooouble."
"Oh man, do you have to tell my wife why I'm here?"
"I can if you want me to."
"No. No. No."
"You're in trooooouble."
"Oh man."
As much as I wanted to yank his chain, I figured that he wasn't in the mood. Since he behaved, for the most part, during his stay, I let him off easy. I'm getting soft in my old age. He was at least more tolerable than the kid who came in wanting pain meds for his sore knee. I looked him up in the drug database and found out that he had just had a boatload of Percocet prescribed for him a few days ago. I tried to give him every opportunity to give it to me straight, but he just kept his eyes on the T.V. and said he only had Advil to take. After I explained to him that I knew about the Percs, he shook his head, then nodded it. He explained that they threw a big party the night before, and someone stole all his meds. I was too tired to deal with the cops or call his doctor, and he was a really stupid kid, so in the end, I just kicked him out with nothing but his discharge papers to soothe his aching knee.
Makes me want to sell t-shirts for a living.
On a less bitter note, Walt Wehner of Walt Works came by to buy a shirt for his buddy's wife the other day. "T.V. Sucks, Ride Your Bike." I was out mowing the lawn with my crappy push mower. I've sworn to myself that I would get rid of that thing every summer for the last 6 years. Walt told me to stop being a girl, and that the mower wasn't that bad. He proceeded to run all over my front lawn pushing the mower around like a redheaded step child.
"See?"
"But you didn't run over any sticks. The sticks jam up the rotors, and you have to pull them out or it won't mow."
I placed a stick in the way and told him to try to mow over it. He plowed over it and snapped it like a twig.
"Stop being a girl."
"The stick wasn't big enough."
"Stop your whining. You know you could attach this to the front end of a bike . . . ."
I told him he was crazy and came up with a dozen reasons why it wouldn't work.
"Well, I am offering a free conversion to anyone who wants to convert their mower to a bike-mower."
Well, it's hard to argue with free, so we're going to make my crappy push mower into the sweetest bike-push-mower in history. Once it's done, we'll have some cool pics for you to drool on. I'm not sure if it will be bike porn or mower porn, but it will be porn.
Lots of other things to blog about, but those sleepless night are catching up now. But before signing off, I need to give big props to Ken for backing up his 12 hours Clydesdale world champion title with a win in the Boulder short track race today. Ken, you will be called a sandbagger if you keep winning the C's. I've got a lot of work to do if I'm going to keep up in the Breck Epic.
Last thing, if you haven't already, vote (for me) in the blog contest for the Epic. http://www.facebook.com/
If you want to read the entries:http://www.facebook.com/
Contest ends on June 11. Tell all your friends, put it on Facebook, Tweet it, email it. Do whatever it takes cus I'm getting my ass kicked right now in the polls.
Thanks, all.
-jeff
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Alchemist website 3.0
Okay, the last website was kinda cool, but the flash was painfully slow, and the template was too rigid. So . . . Check out the revamped website. Still at AlchemistThreadworks.com. I'm having some issues with the slideshow at the beginning, so if you have any suggestions, let me know. Thanks!
-jeff
-jeff
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Welcome to Alchemist Threadworks, Claire!
AlchemistThreadworks.com
Alchemist is excited to annouce that Claire Lochridge is the new Director of Sales. The former director of sales at Alchemist was cranky, incompetent and couldn't sell crap, so he got himself fired. Claire brings a background in journalism, a sunny dispostion, and a southern drawl which will surely sell a boatload of shirts. Please take a moment to welcome Claire to the Alchemist family. Welcome, Claire!
Another night shift here in the ER, which is when I seem to find the time and motivation to update the blog. Claire has a much better command of the English language and will be posting as well. It's been a refreshingly chill night. I only saw a drunk lady and a guy who ran into a staircase so far. No explosions yet. The drunk lady was pretty entertaining though. She told me she had nothing to drink tonight and then proceeded to have an alcohol level of almost 300, which is almost 4 times the legal limit. Her arithmatic was the only thing worse than the sweetly sour stench of hard liquor on her breath and clothes. And she was 70 to boot! But to her credit, she didn't drive in.
Monday's first Alchemist photoshoot was kinda rough. As Mark said, "It can only get better from here." It truly was just a calamity of bad timing, awkwardness, and ill-concieved ideas. It's better not to explain it all, so I'll just get to the part we can giggle about. Our model, Tracy, was super nice, but we should have explained the shoot a little better to her. After disappearing to change into the Alchemist t-shirt, she returned decked out in foundation and mascara. Given that the shoot was taking place in a bike garage and she was modeling a bike t-shirt, I felt like we needed a more . . . industrial look. Mark used his shirt to wipe off as much of the foundation as he could, and we proceeded to smear chain grease onto her glamorous face. She was remarkably receptive to the idea. After a little grungification, she was ready to model. That's when sparks started flying. Literally. Walt (from the illustrious Walt Works custom bikes, and whose shop we were using) used an abrasive cutting wheel to shoot sparks all over the garage. Sadly, while the sparks looked great in real life, they didn't show up on film. So Walt gratiously lit up the acetylene torch and started blasting the air with fire in the background. That worked better, but made me a little nervous about having a Michael Jackson, hair-on-fire, emergency. The final scene ended with Tracy holding the blazing torch on full blast in the air, Walt needing to attend to some things inside his house, and neither Mark, nor I having any clue as to how to shut the damn torch off. I stood about ten feet away, too afraid to move. We didn't even know where else we could hold the torch without permanently searing off our fingerprints. Fortunately, Mark braved the potential disaster, and rescued Tracy from the wand of fire. But not before they did a little dance that looked like a strange game of Twister. He moves pretty good for a big man. Kinda stealthy. In the end, the shots I liked best were of Walt wearing the "T.V. Sucks, Ride your Bike" shirt and actually working on one of his bikes. That's not really fair to Tracy though because we were so pressed for time, we never really set-up the shots appropriately for her. And the situation was so unnatural, it was impossible to look, well, natural. I hope Mark doesn't give up on me. But again, it can only get better from here.
. . . So I just saw a 2 month old kid for "shaking". Not body shaking, not arm shaking, not leg shaking, not head shaking. But face shaking.
"Like his lip was trembling?"
"No."
"Like what then?"
"He was making foam."
"Did you say foam?"
"Yes. Foam."
"Uh, Like blowing bubbles?"
"No. Foam. And he didn't feel good."
"Was he crying?"
"No. He just didn't look right."
"How so?"
"He didn't look right. but he's fine now."
I couldn't think of a test for foam or for just-didn't-look-right-but-looks-fine-now, so I told them we would observe him for lack of anything else useful to do. Now they are going home. Nice Folks. I just didn't know what I could offer.
Jeez, now it's 5am. I gotta dictate and hit the sack before I have to see more foaming kids.
night.
Alchemist is excited to annouce that Claire Lochridge is the new Director of Sales. The former director of sales at Alchemist was cranky, incompetent and couldn't sell crap, so he got himself fired. Claire brings a background in journalism, a sunny dispostion, and a southern drawl which will surely sell a boatload of shirts. Please take a moment to welcome Claire to the Alchemist family. Welcome, Claire!
Another night shift here in the ER, which is when I seem to find the time and motivation to update the blog. Claire has a much better command of the English language and will be posting as well. It's been a refreshingly chill night. I only saw a drunk lady and a guy who ran into a staircase so far. No explosions yet. The drunk lady was pretty entertaining though. She told me she had nothing to drink tonight and then proceeded to have an alcohol level of almost 300, which is almost 4 times the legal limit. Her arithmatic was the only thing worse than the sweetly sour stench of hard liquor on her breath and clothes. And she was 70 to boot! But to her credit, she didn't drive in.
Monday's first Alchemist photoshoot was kinda rough. As Mark said, "It can only get better from here." It truly was just a calamity of bad timing, awkwardness, and ill-concieved ideas. It's better not to explain it all, so I'll just get to the part we can giggle about. Our model, Tracy, was super nice, but we should have explained the shoot a little better to her. After disappearing to change into the Alchemist t-shirt, she returned decked out in foundation and mascara. Given that the shoot was taking place in a bike garage and she was modeling a bike t-shirt, I felt like we needed a more . . . industrial look. Mark used his shirt to wipe off as much of the foundation as he could, and we proceeded to smear chain grease onto her glamorous face. She was remarkably receptive to the idea. After a little grungification, she was ready to model. That's when sparks started flying. Literally. Walt (from the illustrious Walt Works custom bikes, and whose shop we were using) used an abrasive cutting wheel to shoot sparks all over the garage. Sadly, while the sparks looked great in real life, they didn't show up on film. So Walt gratiously lit up the acetylene torch and started blasting the air with fire in the background. That worked better, but made me a little nervous about having a Michael Jackson, hair-on-fire, emergency. The final scene ended with Tracy holding the blazing torch on full blast in the air, Walt needing to attend to some things inside his house, and neither Mark, nor I having any clue as to how to shut the damn torch off. I stood about ten feet away, too afraid to move. We didn't even know where else we could hold the torch without permanently searing off our fingerprints. Fortunately, Mark braved the potential disaster, and rescued Tracy from the wand of fire. But not before they did a little dance that looked like a strange game of Twister. He moves pretty good for a big man. Kinda stealthy. In the end, the shots I liked best were of Walt wearing the "T.V. Sucks, Ride your Bike" shirt and actually working on one of his bikes. That's not really fair to Tracy though because we were so pressed for time, we never really set-up the shots appropriately for her. And the situation was so unnatural, it was impossible to look, well, natural. I hope Mark doesn't give up on me. But again, it can only get better from here.
. . . So I just saw a 2 month old kid for "shaking". Not body shaking, not arm shaking, not leg shaking, not head shaking. But face shaking.
"Like his lip was trembling?"
"No."
"Like what then?"
"He was making foam."
"Did you say foam?"
"Yes. Foam."
"Uh, Like blowing bubbles?"
"No. Foam. And he didn't feel good."
"Was he crying?"
"No. He just didn't look right."
"How so?"
"He didn't look right. but he's fine now."
I couldn't think of a test for foam or for just-didn't-look-right-but-looks-fine-now, so I told them we would observe him for lack of anything else useful to do. Now they are going home. Nice Folks. I just didn't know what I could offer.
Jeez, now it's 5am. I gotta dictate and hit the sack before I have to see more foaming kids.
night.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Alchemist Threadworks is LIVE!
Boulder is cold and wet and windy. Crappy weather all around. It rained and snowed all day and it's still going into the night. The only that makes me feel warm and fuzzy right now is the supreme awesomeness sitting in my basement right now. I've finally got the shirts in, and they look killer. Photoshoot on Monday, and hopefully get some sweet pics on the homepage too. But the website is officially live. www.Alchemistthreadworks.com. I'm bristling with anticipation, and giddy with excitement. It's on! If you are trying to look busy at work, check out the website, but turn down the volume cus it's got bangin beats to go along with it. The Sprouts section looks overly bright to me on my screen, so I'd like to hear what anyone is seeing before I fix it. Feel free to cruise the website, and play around with the tabs. I want to know if you hit any bugs or snags. You can even buy something now, but don't just yet. I still need to work out a couple kinks on the purchasing end. Plus, there will be a 20% off coupon coming down the pipe.
Thanks everyone!
Thanks everyone!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Waiting
AlchemistThreadworks.com
Sometimes I feel like I'm always waiting. I'm waiting in the ER right now an hour past my shift for one consultant to talk to another consultant to talk about which consultant should be consulting on my patient. Sweet.
I'm still waiting on the shirts to come in. I try to channel my inner Zen to not go postal on someone or something, but it becomes increasingly difficult. Reminds me of the Seinfeld in which George deals with adversity by chanting "serenity now, serenity now." By the end he's shouting," Reciprocity Now!"
Got the new flash site mostly ready, and it's pretty dope. You can check out the site here: http://alchemistthreadworks.com/maxie/index2.php#/home/
The pics are fillers for now, until I get the actual shirts in, and I can get a real photoshoot. Should be cool.
The music is kinda dope, but some people don't like music, and so I may remove it. I'd love to get some feedback about it.
Seriously, check out the site. Thanks, all!
Sometimes I feel like I'm always waiting. I'm waiting in the ER right now an hour past my shift for one consultant to talk to another consultant to talk about which consultant should be consulting on my patient. Sweet.
I'm still waiting on the shirts to come in. I try to channel my inner Zen to not go postal on someone or something, but it becomes increasingly difficult. Reminds me of the Seinfeld in which George deals with adversity by chanting "serenity now, serenity now." By the end he's shouting," Reciprocity Now!"
Got the new flash site mostly ready, and it's pretty dope. You can check out the site here: http://alchemistthreadworks.com/maxie/index2.php#/home/
The pics are fillers for now, until I get the actual shirts in, and I can get a real photoshoot. Should be cool.
The music is kinda dope, but some people don't like music, and so I may remove it. I'd love to get some feedback about it.
Seriously, check out the site. Thanks, all!
Monday, March 22, 2010
New Alchemist Threadworks website coming soon!
Another night shift, another Alchemist blog.
Kind of a mixed bag tonight. On one hand, it was disappointing in that I had a guy come in with a big ole infected cyst on his forehead. That wasn't the disappointing part. I was bummed that I couldn't make that juicy volcano erupt. He had already gone for it at home with a thumbtack (His girlfriend reprimanded him for the act, and gave him plenty of shit for it. So I, naturally, defended him, explaining that if there is a big, fluid filled sac of something on my face, I'd also be tempted to try my hand at popping it). So I took a big-ass needle and went at it myself, which in truth, was not much different than him using a thumbtack at home, except that the needle and my technique were marginally cleaner. I poked and squeezed, poked and squeezed, and all I got was a little creaminess. But I could just feel that thing wanting to pop. I worked it until it was big and angry and well, bloody. I felt like I was a teenager again, lamenting another ill-fated attempt at instant gratification, only to be standing in front of the mirror with a big, hot, red, seething mother-of-a-pimple. At least it wasn't my face this time.
The good part of the night is that it wasn't as busy as I've become accustomed to. In fact, the staff actually thanked and congratulated me on my relatively bearable evening.
I'm working on a new website complete with flash and all kinds of fanciness. Once I have my shirts in hand, I hope to get some pro pics and have some eye-candy shots on the site. I met with a talented photographer today. You can check out his website at www.markwoolcottphotography.com. His site is in the links section on the side of the home page too.
My current website has been been getting quite a few visits. I don't have that many friends, so I'm not sure where they are coming from. But it's pretty cool.
Looks like Rudy Project is out as a sponsor for Team Alchemist. They weren't impressed by my 2008 men's sport 30-35 short track state championship. I had to beat a guy with one leg and an asthmatic to win that one. If only the Rudy folks knew what i had to overcome. But really, they should have been impressed by Ken's Clydesdale 12 hour enduro WORLD championship. He's the champion OF THE WORLD. In any case, since it's my team, and I can do what i want, I decided to add "Kreidl Ophthalmology Racing" as a sponsor since Ken hooked me up with glasses and sunglasses. Sounds fast, doesn't it? I made a logo just for him too. I'll post it next time, since words don't do it justice. But it looks like a big flaming eyeball. I imagine that should drum up a ton of business for him.
until next time.
-wu
Kind of a mixed bag tonight. On one hand, it was disappointing in that I had a guy come in with a big ole infected cyst on his forehead. That wasn't the disappointing part. I was bummed that I couldn't make that juicy volcano erupt. He had already gone for it at home with a thumbtack (His girlfriend reprimanded him for the act, and gave him plenty of shit for it. So I, naturally, defended him, explaining that if there is a big, fluid filled sac of something on my face, I'd also be tempted to try my hand at popping it). So I took a big-ass needle and went at it myself, which in truth, was not much different than him using a thumbtack at home, except that the needle and my technique were marginally cleaner. I poked and squeezed, poked and squeezed, and all I got was a little creaminess. But I could just feel that thing wanting to pop. I worked it until it was big and angry and well, bloody. I felt like I was a teenager again, lamenting another ill-fated attempt at instant gratification, only to be standing in front of the mirror with a big, hot, red, seething mother-of-a-pimple. At least it wasn't my face this time.
The good part of the night is that it wasn't as busy as I've become accustomed to. In fact, the staff actually thanked and congratulated me on my relatively bearable evening.
I'm working on a new website complete with flash and all kinds of fanciness. Once I have my shirts in hand, I hope to get some pro pics and have some eye-candy shots on the site. I met with a talented photographer today. You can check out his website at www.markwoolcottphotography.com. His site is in the links section on the side of the home page too.
My current website has been been getting quite a few visits. I don't have that many friends, so I'm not sure where they are coming from. But it's pretty cool.
Looks like Rudy Project is out as a sponsor for Team Alchemist. They weren't impressed by my 2008 men's sport 30-35 short track state championship. I had to beat a guy with one leg and an asthmatic to win that one. If only the Rudy folks knew what i had to overcome. But really, they should have been impressed by Ken's Clydesdale 12 hour enduro WORLD championship. He's the champion OF THE WORLD. In any case, since it's my team, and I can do what i want, I decided to add "Kreidl Ophthalmology Racing" as a sponsor since Ken hooked me up with glasses and sunglasses. Sounds fast, doesn't it? I made a logo just for him too. I'll post it next time, since words don't do it justice. But it looks like a big flaming eyeball. I imagine that should drum up a ton of business for him.
until next time.
-wu
Monday, March 15, 2010
night shift
Alchemist is up late again blogging about more Alchemist Threadworks misadventures.
4:00am. Another night shift, and another hammering. The staff around here groan when they see me show up because they know it's going to be a rough shift. I've come to accept it. It's my lot in life.
While i really should be dictating so I can get it over with, I find the exercise so disdainful, that I find just about any reason not to do it (such as blogging). At least I did have one satisfied customer this evening. A fella with a bad case of stool impaction. The nurse couldn't fix him. The enema did nothing, and the guy was in serious pain. So it was up to me. Armed with a gown, gloves, and a face mask, I did what any valiant soldier would do. I fell on that grenade.
"Okay, sir, just relax."
"You relax."
"I need to you to be relaxed or this will hurt a lot more"
"It's gonna hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt you."
Well, I couldn't argue that.
"Okay, remember to breathe. Okay, now push. Keep pushing. Keeeeeep pushing. Okay, good job. We've got some good stuff out so far. you're doing great."
"It hurts like hell."
"I know it does. but you're doing great. remember to breathe."
Delivering a giant turd is not unlike delivering a baby. It hurts a lot, it takes a lot of encouragement, and any modicum of modesty is thrown out the window. I can't think of an encounter that is more intimate than me, elbow deep in another man's poo hole, telling him how wonderful he's doing. It's a bond that we will share to the end of days.
After a lot of pushing on his part, and pulling on my part, the dam finally broke. Willy was free.
"I feel a thousand times better. Thank you so much."
"Yes sir, it's my job."
Aah, yes. Another satisfied customer. Like unplugging ear wax, the catharsis of relieving a good stool impaction is worth the effort (and smell). It's at least better than telling a patient I have no clue what's wrong with them, and there is no test known to mankind that will help me find out. I had that conversation almost a dozen times tonight.
I'm getting some resistance to the houndstooth crotch on the Team kit. Come on, guys. If you don't want people looking at your crotch, don't look so damn good!
Time to dictate.
4:00am. Another night shift, and another hammering. The staff around here groan when they see me show up because they know it's going to be a rough shift. I've come to accept it. It's my lot in life.
While i really should be dictating so I can get it over with, I find the exercise so disdainful, that I find just about any reason not to do it (such as blogging). At least I did have one satisfied customer this evening. A fella with a bad case of stool impaction. The nurse couldn't fix him. The enema did nothing, and the guy was in serious pain. So it was up to me. Armed with a gown, gloves, and a face mask, I did what any valiant soldier would do. I fell on that grenade.
"Okay, sir, just relax."
"You relax."
"I need to you to be relaxed or this will hurt a lot more"
"It's gonna hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt you."
Well, I couldn't argue that.
"Okay, remember to breathe. Okay, now push. Keep pushing. Keeeeeep pushing. Okay, good job. We've got some good stuff out so far. you're doing great."
"It hurts like hell."
"I know it does. but you're doing great. remember to breathe."
Delivering a giant turd is not unlike delivering a baby. It hurts a lot, it takes a lot of encouragement, and any modicum of modesty is thrown out the window. I can't think of an encounter that is more intimate than me, elbow deep in another man's poo hole, telling him how wonderful he's doing. It's a bond that we will share to the end of days.
After a lot of pushing on his part, and pulling on my part, the dam finally broke. Willy was free.
"I feel a thousand times better. Thank you so much."
"Yes sir, it's my job."
Aah, yes. Another satisfied customer. Like unplugging ear wax, the catharsis of relieving a good stool impaction is worth the effort (and smell). It's at least better than telling a patient I have no clue what's wrong with them, and there is no test known to mankind that will help me find out. I had that conversation almost a dozen times tonight.
I'm getting some resistance to the houndstooth crotch on the Team kit. Come on, guys. If you don't want people looking at your crotch, don't look so damn good!
Time to dictate.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Alchemist Team kit
Finally hammered out the shorts for the Alchemist Team kit.
As before, it's not for sale, but I might post it on the AlchemistThreadworks.com website just for grins. Until then, it can only be found on the blog. Personally, I like it. But knowing me, I might change my mind and mix it all up again. I've learned that I need to sleep on a design and let it stew for a while before I'm happy with it. If I have this nagging feeling that something just ain't right, I usually end up changing the design until that feeling goes away. Right now though, I'm pretty happy with it.
Off the subject, Jake takes great joy in peeing in the outdoors. Takes after his father. Just between you and me, sometimes I go around the side of the house to pee on the apple tree instead of going in the toilet. Jake likes to go right off the front porch.
I got a lot of response and feedback to the spam I sent out yesterday. Interestingly, one person pointed out that "ladies" is a less than flattering term. I didn't know. So anyway, now the women's line is "chicas". Other things I considered were Bettys, Bitches, and Ho's. I may just call it "women" to avoid any controversy or confusion.
aah. still waiting for the shirt to come in.
As before, it's not for sale, but I might post it on the AlchemistThreadworks.com website just for grins. Until then, it can only be found on the blog. Personally, I like it. But knowing me, I might change my mind and mix it all up again. I've learned that I need to sleep on a design and let it stew for a while before I'm happy with it. If I have this nagging feeling that something just ain't right, I usually end up changing the design until that feeling goes away. Right now though, I'm pretty happy with it.
Off the subject, Jake takes great joy in peeing in the outdoors. Takes after his father. Just between you and me, sometimes I go around the side of the house to pee on the apple tree instead of going in the toilet. Jake likes to go right off the front porch.
I got a lot of response and feedback to the spam I sent out yesterday. Interestingly, one person pointed out that "ladies" is a less than flattering term. I didn't know. So anyway, now the women's line is "chicas". Other things I considered were Bettys, Bitches, and Ho's. I may just call it "women" to avoid any controversy or confusion.
aah. still waiting for the shirt to come in.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
No Sedation, No Pain
Alchemist is up late blogging in the name of Alchemist threadworks when he should be sleeping, but that was a heinously busy ER shift, and I need to decompress.
Had a guy come in from deep in the Canyon with a bad ankle. He looked like an uglier, dirtier version of Jon Bon Jovi. He had apparently kicked the wall out of anger, and the wall won. My first thought was that he was a drunk a**hole with a potty mouth and a bad attitude. He blew a .07, which qualified him to legally drive a motorized vehicle. Okay, so he was a reasonably sober a**hole with a potty mouth and a bad attitude. After I had to yell at him to stay in bed a few times, we got security to keep a closer watch on him. He still insisted on trying to get up and walk. The x-ray showed that he had a bad fracture/dislocation of his ankle, and it gave me no small pleasure tell him it was time to turn off his lights and yank that baby back into place. He declined an IV. In fact, he declined any medications.
"Just tug on it."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, just do it."
"No way. You have no idea how bad this is gonna hurt."
"I ain't afraid. Just put it back."
"You don't want me to give you anything?"
"Nope, get on with it."
"Well . . . okay, but don't kick me."
"I'm okay, I got my teeth in."
So I tugged. And he adjusted his dentures and bit on his shirt. I tugged some more. I got my foot up on the stretcher and pulled til my veins popped in my head. It still wouldn't go in.
"I don't think it's going back in."
"You aren't pulling hard enough."
"I'm pulling as hard as I can.
"Don't be a p*ssy."
"Dude, I'm not being a p*ssy."
"Then pull on it."
"Okay, but you are tensing up. You need to relax."
So he took the shirt out of his mouth and gave me a big grin. I pulled. He grinned. I pulled harder. He grinned wider. Finally, I felt a little movement and then, CLUNK. It was in.
"Atta boy."
I told him he was one tough hombre. And he was.
In the end, I couldn't help but like the guy a bit. I liked him more than many of my other patients. He told me he had to go to his construction job on Thursday. I told him no way. I know he won't listen, but I imagine he'll figure it out after this ankle crumbles under him. Kudos to him for actually having a job. Maybe he was a more upstanding citizen than I gave him credit for. But I still was kinda stingy on the narcs. I had a suspicion he would either use them for recreation or sell them. Yet, he was alright by me. Saved a hell of a lot of sedation paperwork too.
Moral of the story: Never judge a hillbilly by his pseudo-drunkenness.
Still waiting for product to come in. If it's not too much trouble, become a follower of this blog, and tell all your friends too. As always, you can check out the Alchemist Threadworks website at www.AlchemistThreadworks.com.
Thanks.
-jeff
Monday, March 8, 2010
add Alchemist threadworks blog to your links
Alchemist Threadworks team (you are considered part of the "team" now),
If you guys are willing and able, you can add AlchemistThreadworks.com and this blog to your blog links or website (if you have one). Or you can just choose to follow it. Drew, thanks for the idea and adding us to the Justin's/Titus team blog (http://justins-titus-cycling.blogspot.com/). Shameless self-promotion, I know. But I have to take advantage of what few friends I have.
Big props to Sue and Ross for cranking out another beautiful baby girl. Strong work, Sue.
Interestingly, "No One Cares That You Tele" bumper stickers and T-shirts from the old Spare Tire Cycling store is still selling. It seems to have gone kinda viral. I just mailed out an order to a guy in Washington for three stickers. We started with 100, we're down to about 10. I'll have to reorder soon. Dan and I own the trademark for "No One Cares". We keep seeing other folks doing it, so now we are actually in a position to start enforcing the mark. Del, you think you would be able to draft us a generic letter to all the No One Cares wannabes? It's good to know an honest mechanic, and it's good to be cousins with a good lawyer.
Thanks, all.
-jeff
If you guys are willing and able, you can add AlchemistThreadworks.com and this blog to your blog links or website (if you have one). Or you can just choose to follow it. Drew, thanks for the idea and adding us to the Justin's/Titus team blog (http://justins-titus-cycling.blogspot.com/). Shameless self-promotion, I know. But I have to take advantage of what few friends I have.
Big props to Sue and Ross for cranking out another beautiful baby girl. Strong work, Sue.
Interestingly, "No One Cares That You Tele" bumper stickers and T-shirts from the old Spare Tire Cycling store is still selling. It seems to have gone kinda viral. I just mailed out an order to a guy in Washington for three stickers. We started with 100, we're down to about 10. I'll have to reorder soon. Dan and I own the trademark for "No One Cares". We keep seeing other folks doing it, so now we are actually in a position to start enforcing the mark. Del, you think you would be able to draft us a generic letter to all the No One Cares wannabes? It's good to know an honest mechanic, and it's good to be cousins with a good lawyer.
Thanks, all.
-jeff
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Alchemist Cycling Jersey
Hope all are well. Don't forget to check out Alchemist at AlchemistThreadworks.com if you are really bored at work, or need to pretend like you aren't.
Favicon fun
Next time you visit AlchemistThreadworks.com, check out the little icon next to the site name on the browser tab. Do you see a little crimson monkey? No? You sure?
It took me the better part of the evening yesterday to figure out how to get that little monkey to show up. It's called a favicon for those who don't know. Until I looked it up yesterday, I didn't know either.
Got a new design in the works. Geared more for rock climbers. I initially wanted to put the wings higher, but now I think maybe they should be a little lower. Would like to get some feedback. Bigger? Smaller? Stupid idea to begin with? I think it would go over well in the climbing community.
If you haven't checked it out yet, you can see the website at AlchemistThreadworks.com. Would like some feedback on that too. If you feel so inclined, you can also be a follower of the blog. Thanks!
-jeff
It took me the better part of the evening yesterday to figure out how to get that little monkey to show up. It's called a favicon for those who don't know. Until I looked it up yesterday, I didn't know either.
Got a new design in the works. Geared more for rock climbers. I initially wanted to put the wings higher, but now I think maybe they should be a little lower. Would like to get some feedback. Bigger? Smaller? Stupid idea to begin with? I think it would go over well in the climbing community.
If you haven't checked it out yet, you can see the website at AlchemistThreadworks.com. Would like some feedback on that too. If you feel so inclined, you can also be a follower of the blog. Thanks!
-jeff
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Dr. Dingle
Adam wants me to do the Dr. Dingle shirt for the Alchemist collection. You won't find it on AlchemistThreadworks.com, but if you want one, give me a holler. I might do a limited run of them. They are not for sale.
Alchemist salutes big guts and ear wax
Alchemist Sustainable, Casual Apparel for Outdoor Athletes.
Alchemistthreadworks.com
Alchemist has seen the belly, and it is good. Anyone watch Steve Holcomb pilot the Night Train to the first American bobsledding gold in 700 years? I do believe that guy is my hero. Standing next to his teammates, he looks like an Ooamp Loompa. He's about a foot shorter, and a a couple feet wider. but that dude kicks ass.
I found this among a stack of pictures of human excrement in my box at work. The night nurses thought it would be funny. I'm rather fond of this particular one. It's posted at my work station right now. F'ck yeah, I'm a doctor!
Yesterday, I was getting hammered with folks who took the same bus to the ER. In the middle of that, I went to see a lady who couldn't hear. She couldn't hear because her ears were full of wax. Full of it. Big, gooey, chocolatey gobs of wax. After rounds of Colace and Peroxide, the ear wax still had not budged. The lady grew more impatient and frustrated that the nurse couldn't get her wax out. So I, with the ER falling apart around me, sat down and wrestled with that derned wax myself. After suction, a couple curettes, high pressure peroxide irrigation, and a handful of four letter words, I plucked a couple boulder-sized wads of cerumen out of her ears. I asked her if she could hear now, and she asked me to stop yelling at her. Aah, yes. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes we actually do make people better. Validation of my time here on Earth, and I'm savoring it like Steve Holcomb is enjoying his gold medal. It was, in no small measure, my own gold (or yellowish-brown with ear hair mixed in) medal.
Okay, so this blog had nothing to do with t-shirts, the environment, or alchemy, but I never promised that.
But you can still check out Alchemist at Alchemistthreadworks.com when you are bored. Product should be here in a few more weeks. Yeehaaa!
Alchemistthreadworks.com
Alchemist has seen the belly, and it is good. Anyone watch Steve Holcomb pilot the Night Train to the first American bobsledding gold in 700 years? I do believe that guy is my hero. Standing next to his teammates, he looks like an Ooamp Loompa. He's about a foot shorter, and a a couple feet wider. but that dude kicks ass.
I found this among a stack of pictures of human excrement in my box at work. The night nurses thought it would be funny. I'm rather fond of this particular one. It's posted at my work station right now. F'ck yeah, I'm a doctor!
Yesterday, I was getting hammered with folks who took the same bus to the ER. In the middle of that, I went to see a lady who couldn't hear. She couldn't hear because her ears were full of wax. Full of it. Big, gooey, chocolatey gobs of wax. After rounds of Colace and Peroxide, the ear wax still had not budged. The lady grew more impatient and frustrated that the nurse couldn't get her wax out. So I, with the ER falling apart around me, sat down and wrestled with that derned wax myself. After suction, a couple curettes, high pressure peroxide irrigation, and a handful of four letter words, I plucked a couple boulder-sized wads of cerumen out of her ears. I asked her if she could hear now, and she asked me to stop yelling at her. Aah, yes. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes we actually do make people better. Validation of my time here on Earth, and I'm savoring it like Steve Holcomb is enjoying his gold medal. It was, in no small measure, my own gold (or yellowish-brown with ear hair mixed in) medal.
Okay, so this blog had nothing to do with t-shirts, the environment, or alchemy, but I never promised that.
But you can still check out Alchemist at Alchemistthreadworks.com when you are bored. Product should be here in a few more weeks. Yeehaaa!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Inaugural Alchemist Blog
Welcome to the Alchemist blog. We are bringing affordable, sustainable, casual apparel to outdoor athletes. Check us out at www.alchemistthreadworks.com. We are also on Twitter, username Alchemistjeff. More to come!
-Alchemist | AlchemistThreadworks.com
-Alchemist | AlchemistThreadworks.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
